I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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