The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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