Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
