Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
