you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
