she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
