I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
