i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
honey bunches of taint.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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