The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Randomize
