First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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