I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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