i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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