I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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