This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
