I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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