remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
