I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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