now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
