like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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