the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
