so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's always time for handjobs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
