So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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