Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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