Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
