my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
