Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
