Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
