question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
