I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
