She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
