I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
