shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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