Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
