Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
