im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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