i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
