Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
