My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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