I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
