I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
