I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
