when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
