A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
