remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
