Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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