Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
