If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
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Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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