Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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