Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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