i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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