How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
