Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
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I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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