i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
