11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
