I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
