look no pants
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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