Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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