the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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