I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Apparently you make a good broom.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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