When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize