I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
