My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we made out on top of his cat.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
