Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize