i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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