4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I look better un-naked...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We have started to decorate penises.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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